When our daughter Edyth was diagnosed with celiac disease at age 9, my husband and I walked a line between relief and concern. Even as her health improved, the worries remained. Would she be okay, not just physically, but emotionally and socially? And how would she (and we) ever survive all the dietary considerations at school... or while traveling, or--on a timely note--during the highly food-focused holiday season?
But on this Thanksgiving more than a decade later, I'm here to tell you that--inconveniences and challenging moments aside--Edyth's diagnosis has turned out to be one of the greatest gifts of her life. In fact, I can confidently report that she is flourishing in her early 20's not despite, but BECAUSE of her experience as a gluten-free child!
I'll explain more about this later. But first, how do you handle the daily challenges when 'tis the season for gluten?
1) Don't Get Anxious; Get Planning!
The more you think ahead for the little things, the better you’ll be able to sail through the moments. Think through the expected course of an event, and anticipate the moments when food safety may be an issue. That said...
2) Whether or not you are hosting a holiday gathering, plan to bring a few dishes to ensure a safe and healthy event for your child.
If the dinner is at your place, of course you can make the entire event gluten-free (we always did--with the exception of a "contraband" area away from the rest of the buffet, featuring mainly things others brought). For us, a safe Thanksgiving included GF cornbread and cashew stuffing, good ol’ fashioned mashed potatoes with GF chestnut gravy, orange cranberries, some easy veggie side dishes, and pies made with store-bought or homemade GF crusts. Because our daughter has been vegetarian for longer than her diagnosis, the turkey was something Grandmom made and brought.
Now, if you are going to Aunt Mimi's place or another venue, don't hesitate to inquire about their planned menu. I remember bringing a GF stuffing and dessert to a few Thanksgivings away. Often, the host will have some safe options as well--such as a salad minus croutons, fruit, veggie platters, and GF-labeled ice cream. If cross-contamination is a factor (which, for us, it was), consider bypassing things baked in someone else's oven. Don't feel you have to bring the entire meal... just enough to keep your child fed and happy.
Sometimes offering to bring more dishes translates to more comfort for your GF child--because sharing those dishes means he/she won't be the odd one out, if that makes sense!
3) Help transform frustration into creativity.
One saying that helped us tremendously through the years, and through MANY an event, goes like this: "If you can't take it, make it!"
To help with those flashes of self-pity (because who wouldn't feel that when then those pink cake pops are so pretty!), Edyth always kept a running list of foods she had wanted to try in various places--but alas. And then, each week, we'd choose one thing from her list to make, or attempt to make, gluten-free. True, dishes didn't always translate perfectly. (Case in point: our "cake pops" were square and soggy and fell off the sticks--but we ate them with forks anyway!)
But because of this little game, Edyth has become a devoted gluten-free cook and baker. Now off on her own, she gathers with friends regularly to whip up safe and delicious meals and desserts. When it comes to the kitchen, she's fearless... which is exactly the point!
And now, let's turn back to the gifts that have come from this whole adventure. I've written about them before, but they are worth a reminder during these times of reflection.
Here are the "best of the best":
1) Self-advocacy
After Edyth's initial diagnosis, we felt we had to intervene on her behalf in ways big and small. We met with teachers and camp counselors and dance coaches. But over time, we slowly passed the reigns to her... and guess what? She took them! Kids take charge when they realize that they can.
And the more we turned over that power of self-advocacy, the more she stepped into it. From ordering for herself in restaurants to relaying her needs to friends, their parents, and others, Edyth's confidence grew into...
2) Empowerment & Self-Awareness
Research has shown that once a child is taught to self-advocate in one area, that sense of growing empowerment often extends to other areas as well. Of course, every child and teen will face moments of certain insecurity. Yet I firmly believe that Edyth's celiac disease helped minimize these episodes since she'd been "forced" to acquire tools due to her food intolerance.
From the peer groups she gravitated towards to the built-in aversion to drinking/drug culture, I believe that having celiac created a certain level of health awareness that resulted in (mostly) positive choices. Looking back, that connect seems clearer now than ever.
3) Surprise (and, in our case, life-changing) Interests!
As I write this, the once-frail and growth-delayed Edyth works full-time in a celiac lab and has applied to medical school. Now healthy and athletic, her interest in the human body sprang directly from her own condition.
My advice? Don't hide any of it! Show your child diagrams. Make getting blood draws exciting (yes, you heard it here--liquid information!). Encourage open conversation, and help demystify it all. Who knew how thrilling digestion or chemical processes could be? I certainly did not, but the future Dr. Edyth's curiosity only grew after life threw her the celiac curveball. Who would have guessed?
The bottom line is this: On Thanksgiving, we'd do well to remember and convey that what we bring to the table of life is far more important than whatever is being served at the buffet. The daily mantra in our house has remained... It's not about the food; it's about the people, places, and experiences in our lives. This idea bears repeating before events or whenever we forget what truly matters.
Because I am telling you firsthand that we--and our children--have the power to transform even the most daunting of challenges into the fairy dust that propels our lives.
And that's something to be grateful for!
*****
Elyn Joy’s books, The Gluten-Free Parent’s Survival Guide and The Gluten-Free Teen’s Survival Guide, have been reviewed and recommended by pediatric celiac physicians. Beyond these, the author's articles and interviews have appeared in Gluten-Free Living, Whole Foods Magazine, Allergic Living, and numerous other GF sites and publications. Elyn has been a featured presenter at Colorado Children's Hospital's celiac awareness events and has taught cooking and informational courses for parents and children. For more information, visit https://www.glutenfreeparent.com or contact elynjoy@glutenfreeparent.com.
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